I loathe pigeons. You wouldn't believe what they do to my downpipe | Adrian Chiles

These noisy, filthy, feral creatures make my life a misery. Is there really no way to get rid of them?Pigeons. Appalling things. I looked them up on the bird charity RSPB's website and snorted when I came across the Where to See section. The answer is, just so you know, everywhere. Perhaps not so much outside towns and cities but in urban areas you're never far from the sight and sound of the bloody things. If, unaccountably, you're not familiar with this species, do feel free to get in touch and come round to my place and observe them at your leisure.Truly they are the soundtrack of my life. For years they've been getting into a drainage channel on the roof. Morning, noon and night they scratch and coo and jump about. The racket is infernal. I lie in bed reflecting on the filth in that gulley just above my head. I know it's filthy, because when there's heavy rain their revolting detritus washes down and blocks the downpipe. I have to pull their unspeakable waste out of the pipe before something bursts and floods. There are no words to describe the tangle of excrement, nesting materials, eggs, feathers and bones. Oh Lord, the bones. I'd be less repulsed rummaging through the bin outside a chicken shop on a Sunday morning. Continue reading...